We’ve been together for 6.5 years. We met just after graduating from college, Roy proposed in March 2018, and we got married last October. Although these are the general highlights, there’s a whole lot more to our story. There are so many different perspectives on what constitutes a strong relationship. We’ve spent most of our 20s shaping our viewpoint and while we’re not perfect, we’ve figured out that we’re stronger together with the right tools and mindset.
On paper, two people clearly bring more to the table than one individual, so in reality, why aren’t all relationships strong, healthy, and fulfilling? After lots of trial and error, we’ve boiled it down to 3 major components.
So, here they are and the ways in which we made each one strong:
Emotional connection
When we first started dating, we structured our relationship around weekend plans and partying with friends. To be fair, this wasn’t completely abnormal behavior for 22 year olds. The problem was that we used our lifestyle to suppress our lack of love for ourselves, our ability to get vulnerable, and our willingness to bring out the best in each other. We didn’t set goals or seek out ways to grow individually or as a couple. The truth is that if we continued down this path, we probably wouldn’t be married.
Our journey to building our emotional connection into what it is today started with learning to love ourselves.
This meant figuring out who we were as individuals, what made us happy, and where we wanted to be in life. It wasn’t until we really started analyzing these things that we realized neither of us loved going out and partying. We did it because it was easy, not because it made us happy. So, our focus changed, our goals changed, and we started to spend our time and energy differently.
The lesson was: your relationship with yourself is the deepest and most binding of them all. The extent to which you’re able to love someone else unconditionally rides on your ability to love you first.
We began to learn how to build each other up. Why? Because when you love yourself, you can serve as a catalyst for your partner’s self-love journey. We became (and still are) each other’s biggest fans.
We started to set goals, both individually and as a couple. Continuous and holistic growth has helped us maintain a happy and strong relationship. We worked to understand and leverage our strengths, while helping each other, in the most empathetic way, to improve our weaknesses. That meant telling each other how it was, both the good and the bad, at all times. We learned to compromise and function as a team without losing our sense of individuality. This all required a significant amount of effort, but it was more than worth it.
Physical connection
Both of us played college basketball, but we lost focus on our physical health during that first year of our relationship. Our lack of activity, poor nutrition, and detrimental sleeping habits were catching up with us. We’re not talking about anything aesthetic like Kim’s weight gain or Roy’s loss of muscle. It was about the way our bodies felt. Unsurprisingly, this all began to impact our physical connection.
On our first New Year’s Day together, we set a simple goal to get ourselves back into “basketball shape.” However, we didn’t anticipate what happened next.
It turned out that we fell in love with the gym and each other simultaneously. Developing physical strength (very literally) helped us to build a strong relationship.
Initially, fitness served as a common interest, a way to move our bodies, and something to pursue together. The mental impact of our consistent exercise routine hit first because we started to feel better. After a few months of working out, we began to notice actual physical changes in our shape and muscle composition. We also figured out that staying active together was great for our romantic and intimate connection. We loved it so much that we decided to obtain our personal training certifications in 2017.
What started as a simple New Year’s resolution turned into a shared passion for health and fitness that is now a huge piece of our life together. We’re not fitness competitors, we have regular careers, and we don’t diet. We just happen to love fitness, and we love doing it together. We now understand the value of health — it’s the single most important thing you have. You can nourish your body in so many different ways. As long as you both figure out what works for you, the physical connection will be there.
Financial connection
Neither of us had more than a couple thousand dollars in our bank accounts upon graduating college. Plus, Roy had $35K in student debt and Kim had rent to pay. We both had careers with starting salaries of approximately $40K per year. We weren’t saving much of our income thanks to our constant weekend plans and the steep costs that came with living in a major metropolitan area.
It wasn’t until we began to discuss our financial goals that we realized we weren’t where we wanted to be. So, we worked to get aligned in terms of what we were looking to accomplish financially. We started to read a lot about investing, and the opportunities that could be available to us if we learned to save our money.
Because we got really good at budgeting, built successful careers, remained focused on our goals, and worked as a team, we’ve accumulated well over half a million dollars in savings, and have used our money to fuel our real estate investing. We own multiple properties in and around the Boston area and are playing the long game. We’re also able to pursue other passions like fitness, this blog, and helping as many people as we can.
You’re stronger together than you are apart if you’re down to put the work in. Stay on the lookout for a program we’re launching soon for couples who value the pursuit of a healthy mind and body as a team.
Originally published at https://www.kimandroy.com on July 18, 2020.
